Interview With Mistress Alex

Everyone can learn a lot from Mistress Alex.

By Cary

How did you become interested in fetish/BDSM?

Like many of us, I always had it in me. What I mean by "it" is the desire to explore alternate avenues of sexuality, not to mention the manifestation of violence as a means of conveying affection. As a little girl, I went through a phase of punching those I liked most in the stomach. As an adult, I explored every sexual adventure available to me until I was finally introduced to the world of BDSM at a club called the Power Exchange in San Francisco. It felt natural for me to put my feet up on a temporarily ottoman-shaped slave and to administer a public flogging, though the first time I did either of those things was that night at the club. Hindsight provides all sorts of revelations, and at that point I started remembering and analyzing instances of sexual domination towards my partners—involving things like choking, biting, hair pulling, wrestling—and recognized a common thread. I decided to harness my energy and focus on letting my inner top take over. Actually, it wasn't so much a conscious decision as it was giving in to being the person I was evolving into. I remember during that time of recognition the sense of being fully myself for the first time in my life.

And how did you transition from an interest to it being a profession?

After I moved to Manhattan in 2003, I met a D/s couple that I began playing with, and the three of us would find people online that we wanted to meet and play with together. One of the people we met with told us she was a Pro Domme. We didn't end up playing with her, and to be honest, I wasn't that impressed with her, but I filed her away in the back of my mind. A few months later it hit me: I was going to be a Professional Dominatrix, I could feel it. I could not only ditch this exhausting, fucked up job that I hated, but I could make money doing something I loved to do, and get to play with all sorts of new people in the process. It was an amazing moment. So I did some research, set up three appointments in three commercial houses, and chose the one where I felt most comfortable. It was pretty effortless, actually. I'm now an Independent Pro Domme, which was a slightly less effortless transition to make a couple of years ago, but well worth it.

What can someone seeing you as a Pro Domme for the first time expect?

I have this text on my website: "I can’t tell you what time with me will be like, it depends entirely on our chemistry and how you inspire me. I will tell you that it is always my goal to be entertained, which is in your best interest—if I’m having a good time, chances are you are too." In a nutshell, there is no way to describe what someone's first experience with me with be like, but if I had to distill it down to one word, it would be intensity.

What kinds of people book sessions with you?

I get all types, but because of my penchant for communication and advance planning, those who I end up sessioning with usually are more committed to the experience, and to BDSM in general. They tend to know themselves a little better, or if they don't, they have a desire to. As far as demographics, I never pry into specifics, but I know from information that's been offered that my favorites have ranged from doctors to chefs to stockbrokers to firefighters to musicians, et cetera. The personality type that comes to see me is a risk-taker, someone who wants to challenge and push her or himself, or simply someone with extremely high aesthetic values (*wink*).

What are your specialties?

This is another one of those questions that I can't give a short answer to. As I mentioned, I am an explorer, which means I am always looking to try new experiences and stretch my expertise. There are things that I love to do, and things I like to do more than others, and things I don't like to do, and all of those things shift and evolve depending on my mood and other existential forces. But if I would never call anything out as my specialty, because I'd get bored out of my head and burnt out if I were to do the same thing over and over again. What's most important to me is to get into someone's head, to peer into their eyes and crack open their psyche. After that, any number of things can happen—corporal punishment (light to strict to severe), psychological interrogation, humiliation, tease and denial (emphasis on the denial), sissification—whatever it takes to drive home the point that they have completely given up control and that I own their ass for whatever amount of time we're spending together.

What kinds of equipment do you use?

I use implements made exclusively from the skeletons of those left too long in my cages. Just kidding. I use various lengths and textures of single tails, floggers, canes, crops, paddles, electrics, bondage furniture, rope, cuffs, chains, clamps. My dungeon is filled with a nice collection of the sorts of implements and equipment that's out there, but my favorite pieces of equipment are my hands, arms, legs, eyes, and intellect, and anything else I use in session becomes an extension of me.

Do you enjoy fetishism/BDSM play in your personal life, and if so what are you into?

I do indeed. I'm into most of the same things in my personal life as I am in my professional life, but of course the focus is much different, in that I am much more self-absorbed, and the stakes are different. I am an exhibitionist, I love to wear latex out to the monthly fetish parties and play with my friends, administer beatings to them and whatnot, and I have a D/s relationship with my boyfriend. I've trained him to take a pretty large dildo up his ass as well as a certain amount of nipple torture, and we also play with breath control and cross-dressing. And of course there are things that I'll only do with him, like queening and smothering, intimate pussy and ass worship, you know, the usual.

What advice would you have for someone just staring out in the fetish scene?

It depends on the person. I've had a lot of newbies contact me, both professionally for a session and on places like FetLife for advice. What I say to them pretty much always boils down to the same thing in either instance. Be sincere about who you are and what you're into, both with yourself and with others you come into contact with. Take risks, but be clear about your boundaries. Only play with people you trust; never put yourself blindly into someone's hands. And shave your asshole.

Do you think fetish is becoming part of the mainstream culture?

Fetish has always been built into mainstream culture, just like sexual power positioning has always been a part of society. Almost everyone you know has incorporated a little kink into their sex, whether they know it or not, maybe a little smack on the ass, or a nibble on the ear or nipple, or dirty talk. But if you're talking about the physical and aesthetic manifestations of fetish, sure, platform and thigh high boots are trendy now, tight shiny fabrics are in, and if you look at advertisements, BDSM is everywhere. But you're asking someone who lives in Manhattan, where you can walk a slave down the street on the end of a leash while shopping and dining. Sometimes people look twice, but in New York City, mainstream has a very different definition than it does pretty much anywhere else.

What kind of music do you like?

Anything loud & noisy, or dark & sulky, or bright & shiny. Smashing Pumpkins fits nicely into all three, and I generally like all that cliche Industrial and Goth shit, as well as retro New Wave and 80s. Under no circumstances will I listen to country. I am not a masochist.

What do you like to do for fun?

Everything. Everything I do is for fun. This is what life is for. Oh, and I write.

See more of Mistress Alex:

www.MyRealityPlane.com

http://www.twitter.com/MistressAlexNYC

www.SeverineFeist.blogspot.com